


The Diary of an International Assassin

by lemonade_juice



Category: Killing Eve (TV 2018)
Genre: F/F, i wrote this over a year ago after S2 finale, if Villanelle kept a diary, inside Villanelle's mind, it mostly takes place during S1 with drabbles of S2 added at the end, it's been in my drafts for so long, soft! villanelle, this is my first ever fic i wrote for killing eve
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-21
Updated: 2020-08-21
Packaged: 2021-03-07 01:35:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,106
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26028832
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lemonade_juice/pseuds/lemonade_juice
Summary: If Villanelle kept a diary of everything that has happened since she got out of prison.
Relationships: Eve Polastri/Villanelle | Oksana Astankova
Kudos: 14





	The Diary of an International Assassin

**Author's Note:**

> hi all!! i'm back with another long-ish one shot. i wrote this piece originally after the finale of S2 aired and i had finished the series for the first time. i wanted to share it a long time ago but was very nervous and didn't know if anyone would like it so i kept it in my drafts. now, i want to share it with yall. this is first piece i ever wrote for killing eve. i hope yall enjoy and please leave feedback if you do :)

June 6th, 2014

Hell would be better than this prison. Everyday I wake up in solitary after sleeping on the cold, hard floor that probably has more diseases than the sewage plant on it. They beat me day after day, sometimes so hard that I hear my bones crack. One of my ribs is currently broken. But they do not care. If this is what it is going to be for the rest of my life, I’d rather die. 

June 15th, 2014 

I got out today. A man named Konstantin found me. He told me that he was impressed with my work and wanted to hire me to work for his organization. Says it pays a lot of money. After he rescued me, I will do anything he says. 

June 17th, 2014

I took the job. They gave me no other choice, I had to join them or be put back in prison. However, after they saved me, I’ll do anything they ask me to do. Even if that includes killing people, like they have asked. I like killing people though, watching the life drain from their bodies. It gives me a thrill. I will have to die though. Not actually, but Oksana Astanakova will. Her body will be found in her cell, hanging from a bedsheet after being so overcome with guilt over castrating a man. I laughed when they told me that is how I died. They could’ve at least had me die in a prison fight. I would’ve gone out the honorable way. I suppose this is how things have to be from now on. 

June 20th, 2014 

Konstantin came today, told me that I am officially dead. He handed me my death certificate. It felt weird holding it, I cannot explain the feeling it gave me. I didn’t know whether to cry or laugh so I did neither. I will be leaving tomorrow for training in Spain. Then, I will stay there for two months to learn self defense. I do not know where I will go afterwards or what I will be doing. Hopefully training will not take long. I get bored easily and I do not like to be bored. 

June 21st, 2014 

Today was my first day of training. My legs hurt but the pain has numbed itself now and all I feel is warmness. My hands were bloodied from hitting the punching bag over and over again. They offered me bandages but I declined. It does sting a bit but then it fades away as I think about all the money I will be making once all this is over. I am tired now and I must sleep for another long day of training. 

July 31st, 2014 

It is my last day in Spain. I was originally supposed to stay two months but I am such a quick learner that I mastered everything already. Tomorrow I will be sent to Germany for my training in weapons and combat. They say that will take three months but I will get it done in two. I do hope the food will be better there. 

August 8th, 2014

Training here is much harder than it was in Spain. But there are others like me here. There is a girl named Nadia here. She is beautiful and the color of her hair reminds me of Anna. She is young but older than me and the curve of her body is quite nice. I have tried talking to her but she does not seem to want anything to do with me. I think she believes that we are competing with each other though I keep telling her we are the same. I show off during training to prove to the organization that I am worthy, not because I wish to belittle her. I do not know what will get her to talk to me. 

August 15th, 2014 

Nadia has finally spoken to me. Her and I were doing target practice this afternoon and after I shot the bullseye on every target, she walked over to me and said “Good job.” I did do a good job but I could not take my eyes off of Nadia’s. They’re dark and sunken sad eyes. One’s that look like they’re always about to cry. My eyes then darted down to her lips, they were a little on the thin side but I had the sudden desire to kiss her. I moved a little closer to her, enough to feel her body heat but I didn’t go any farther. I needed to know her intentions before I decided to go any further. After what happened with Anna, I did not want to be betrayed again. I asked her if she was seeing anyone and she told me she had someone before but they were murdered by the police. I told her I was sorry to hear that and hoped that she would get revenge on the ones who did it. That is why she is here, she told me. The organization wanted her to take care of those who got away with injustices. I then began to wonder why they wanted me. Who would my targets be? 

August 23rd, 2014 

She came to my room last night and kissed me. After finally getting her to talk to me last week, she avoided me till last night. I would sit next to her during breakfast, lunch, and dinner and each time she would get up and walk to another table. I had thought about following her every time she did but I know she was only trying to play hard to get so I let her. But last night when she crept into my room, she whispered to me, “I do not want this.” “Why are you here then?” I asked right before she kissed me. She was a good kisser. I sat up and pulled her down on top of me and she straddled my hips. I could hear her heart beating, like it might burst from her chest. When I moved my lips to her neck, she tore herself away with tears staining her cheeks. She asked me what kind of wicked magic I was performing on her. I told her I did not know what she meant and that I would not do anything she didn’t want me to. She must’ve not liked my answer because she got off me and ran out of my room. I will give her some time. She just needs some space. 

August 30th, 2014 

Today is the beginning of the second part of my training. The first part was guns but now I am learning how to use different melee weapons. I am glad for a change because shooting the same targets over and over again was starting to get boring. Nadia still hasn’t spoken to me since she came to my room and now we no longer have the same schedule. The only time I see her is during meals. I am almost over it. If she doesn’t want to be with me she should just tell me instead of coming to my room in the middle of the night and kissing me. I do not want to feel wanted to just be ignored. I will not be hurt by anyone else again. 

September 1st, 2014 

So, Nadia decided that she would speak to me today. She sat next to me at breakfast and apologized for the way she had been treating me. But I am the one giving her the cold shoulder now, to give her a taste of her own medicine. She does not seem to like it but I do not care. If she wants me, I will have to think about it or else I will be focused on finishing the rest of my training. That is the most important thing for me to do. 

September 10th, 2014 

Nadia has not given up on trying to win me back. I think it is nice but I am still thinking about whether or not to give her another chance. She is not important to me but it has been so long since I touched another person. I try not to think about Anna and the way she used to moan my name till she could no longer stand it. But I find myself longing at night to hear her say my name again, whether it is in love or hate. I hope that she has been well, despite everything that she has done to me. Perhaps I would give Nadia another chance and I could pretend that she was Anna. Yes, that is what I will do. 

September 12th, 2014 

Tonight I went to Nadia’s room to tell her I had forgiven her and was going to give her another chance. She forgave me of course and asked me to sit next to her. “I still miss her, you know,” she said to me, not looking at me when she said it. I was confused at first till I remembered that she had lost someone, too. Now I understood why she had avoided me like she had. “I miss her, too,” I said back. She thought I knew her till I explained that I was betrayed by the person I loved most. Nadia found that sad but I assured her I was okay with a kiss. It was a short kiss but when I kissed her again, her face turned into Anna’s and I kissed her harder. Her lips are not as soft as Anna’s and she used too much tongue but I still enjoyed it. When I started to kiss her neck, she moaned out loudly. I liked hearing it but Anna’s were softer, like an angel’s. Nadia sounded like a dying cat. I tuned her moans out and quickly took all her clothes off till there was nothing left to take off. She wanted me to take my clothes off too but I told her I prefer to keep them on. Her body was soft in all the right places and I liked looking at her. I kissed all the places I liked looking at, like I used to do with Anna, though there weren’t nearly as many. She did not appreciate it like Anna did either. All she wanted me to do was put my head between her legs, which I did after I got tired of her constantly pushing on my head. She tasted salty and her moans were so loud I thought we would get caught but Nadia did not last long and after that I left without saying another word. I miss Anna, I miss the way she used to say my name when she said she loved me, the way she would play with my hair after I had gone down on her for hours, the way she sang songs in Russian to me, I miss everything. Nadia will never be like Anna. 

September 13th, 2014 

Nadia came to me tonight. She wanted to know why I left her room before she could return the favor. I told her that she did not need to do that. She kept insisting that she wanted to so I decided to let her, thinking it would be nice to experience it after going without it for so long. She went down on me and I was able to get release quick enough. She moved her tongue around too sporadically, not staying in one place long enough to enjoy it. I lied and told her I liked it, hoping that she would leave and go back to her room. She did not and took it upon herself to fall asleep in my bed. She snores like a horse. 

September 17th, 2014 

I wish training would hurry and be over. I have grown bored of it. Even prison was more fun than this. Nadia has started calling me her girlfriend. It is the first time anyone has called me that. Anna was married so she couldn’t but she called me other things I liked more. I am not sure how I feel about it. I do not think I will call her anything other than her name. She comes to my room every night now and we have sex until she falls asleep, which does not take long. She tells me that she has never had orgasms as good as the ones I give her, which I know is probably true. She has gotten better at giving me orgasms too. But I am ready to kill again. 

October 1st, 2014 

My last day of training is today. Today is also the last time I will see Nadia but I am not upset about it as I will pretend to be as I have grown tired of her. She is quite upset about me leaving and promises to write to me but I will not write back. Konstantin is going to take me to Paris where I will be given an apartment under the name of Julie Barratt. After that I will not hear from him for two weeks and when he returns I will have my first target. I try not to show that I am excited about it but I think Konstantin can smell it on me. He is a lot like me. I think we will be good friends. 

October 14th, 2014 

Konstantin is coming today. I have been waiting for this day to come so long that I baked him a cake. I do not know whether he likes chocolate or vanilla so I made him one of each. I didn’t think that would be enough though so I went to the bakery and bought one of everything. I think that will be enough. 

October 16th, 2014

I killed my first target. His name was Alejandro Steiner. I do not know the reason why I killed him but he screamed like a baby when I did it. He was expecting a package to come so I disguised myself as the delivery driver. What he was not expecting was for me to pull out a gun and put a bullet in his head. I escaped on the motorcycle I arrived on and made a quick getaway, stopping to get a loaf of bread on my way home. 

October 18th, 2014 

Konstantin came and gave me my next assignment today. He said that my targets will come two days apart, to make sure that everything is going according to plan. It all sounds boring to me, I told him I am only interested in doing my job. He looks at me as if he doubts me but I charm him back to me and he loves me again. I hope he does not try to sleep with me. 

November 2nd, 2014 

I have been killing people for the organization now for two weeks. I have killed a total of seven people, all men. I asked Konstantin why I haven't gotten any female targets and he says it’s because women are more careful than men. I shrugged, bored with the conversation. He handed me an envelope with a quarter of a million dollars in it and a postcard with my next target. He left right after and I put in the encryption on my computer to see my next target. Sneaky Konstantin, he is the master of jokes. Claire Beaufort is her name. I opened up a new tab and did some online shopping because I was going to need a new dress. 

November 3rd. 2014 

I love my job. It has made me forget all about Anna and what she did to me. I no longer miss her. Nadia has written to me the first time like she promised she would. She said her training was complete and she would be living in a flat in Denmark and wanted me to come visit. She missed sleeping with me at night. I rolled my eyes and threw the letter in the trash. I have a date tonight anyways with Claire. I thought it would be more difficult to get her alone seeing that she was not very friendly to her employees. But I managed. I waited for her outside to leave work and asked her out on the stairs. She doesn’t look like the type to be interested in women, rough and poorly aged. I thought for sure she would say no but I guess when you have a face like mine, you would say yes to anything. I’d almost think it romantic to ask her out on the stairs but then I remember the way I am to kill her. I will gift her an expensive perfume but instead of it smelling of lavender and roses, it will make her nerves slowly shut down till she is dead. I think that is much more romantic. 

January 1st, 2015 

I have been so busy working lately that I have hardly had time to myself. I told Konstantin I wanted to take the holiday for some me time. He thought I was joking but it is hard being an assassin. Working day and night, till you come home and have a man sitting on your couch with your next job. I barely get to sleep! I cannot complain most days though after getting a raise. I get almost half a million dollars now for every person I kill, which can buy me a lot of things. Clothes mostly, as everything else bores me. Konstantin asked me if I planned on reading a book during my me time and I told him yes. I do not read, I am dangerous. Dangerous people do not read. I may pick up something from the stands to fool him. 

January 2nd, 2015

Okay, I was partially kidding when I said that I wanted some me time. I am so bored that I cleaned my bathroom twice and scrubbed the floors in the kitchen and nearly spent my last paycheck online shopping. I bought a spaghetti maker. I do not need a spaghetti maker, I am not a mother with three annoying children with a husband who cheats on her with his secretary. I am Villanelle, International Russian Assassin with amazing hair and cheekbones. Maybe I will put an ad in the paper, Assassin for Hire, will kill for a lot of money or some pineapple upside down cake. 

January 5th, 2015 

Konstantin came by with my first job since the year turned. He asked me how I spent my me time, I told him I started writing a book about a dog. I thought he might pass out on my floor because of how hard he laughed. He mocks me too much, I will have to get back at him for that. But for now, I am to kill a man in Scotland. I have been once before, for another job. I did like it but I asked Konstantin if it would raise red flags since I have killed there once before. “Not if you make it look like an accident,” he said. I pouted, now that is no fun. 

January 20th, 2015 

If I were to retire right now, I think I could live comfortably for the rest of my days, plus some. I do think of that sometimes, if I were “normal” and did not kill people. It would be a boring life, always having to find a new hobby to master then when you get bored of that hobby, searching for a new one. My hobby is killing, unlike knitting or painting. I find pleasure in it. I wish that I could kill all the time, without waiting for Konstantin to bring me new jobs. If I could go onto the street and stick a knife in somebody. Sometimes I wonder if I was not like this, if I could’ve had a normal life with Anna. One where she left her husband to be with me. I once told her that she would not love him if he did not have a penis. So, I cut it off to see if she would still love him without it but it only made her angry with me. I thought that it was what she wanted. I told her that I could do more without a penis than he ever could with or without one. Plus, they sold stuff for that now if she ever wanted to try it. Sometimes I wonder if I should feel guilty for what I did. But I do not. I do not feel anything and then I wonder if I will ever feel anything.

February 6th, 2018 

My birthday is coming up soon. Or should I say, Oksana’s birthday. She no longer exists and I do not grieve for her. I am glad that she is dead. But with her birthday coming up I realize that Villanelle does not have a birthday. So it will be tomorrow. I have already told Konstantin and he said he would buy me a nice gift. I do not know when his is, I will have to find out. 

February 7th, 2018

Konstantin brought me a gift for my birthday, an espresso machine. I do not like it. I am an assassin with lots of money, it is not like I can’t buy myself a coffee from a cafe. He did bring me something else though, a postcard from Tuscany. His name was Cesar Greco, and I am to kill him at his 60th birthday party by tomorrow. This is the best birthday gift I have ever gotten. 

February 22nd, 2018 

Why is February shorter than all the other months? I am quite upset over it. I was not supposed to have my period for another week but because it is a short month, I got it early. To make matters worse, Konstantin has noticed that I have been off. He wants me to get assessed next week. I tried explaining to him that it is that time of month for me but he keeps saying that I have been off for months. Whatever. 

March 1st, 2018 

I got assessed today. Things went well. Well, except when Konstantin pulled out a photo of Anna. I just stared at it. Konstantin wanted to see a reaction out of me, so I used the fake tear trick on him. It worked out in my favor but I am very angry with him. I never told him about Anna. Yes, I castrated her husband but he could’ve been anyone. Nobody knows about Anna except me. I cannot believe he did this. I was so angry that I hugged him. I do not hug people. But what he doesn’t know is that I slipped a postcard out of his jacket pocket. I will take my anger out on the target instead. 

March 2nd, 2018 

I used one of my favorite tricks today on my target. It was a business woman who started her own perfume company, who also happened to have asthma. Konstantin knows I love the breathy ones so I can make my special perfume. I pretended that I was a young business woman who wanted to make her start in the perfume business too. That couldn’t have been more of a lie. She bought it though and when she sprayed some on her wrist and brought it to her nose, it was mere seconds later that she was dead on the floor. All from an induced asthma attack. Now that I am home, I regret not putting scent in it. I had never thought of it till today when the target said to me, “I can’t smell anything.” Next time I share my perfume with someone, I will make it smell wonderful, make it the best scent they’ve ever smelled. It will smell so good that they fall over dead. 

March 10th, 2018 

So, I may have a problem. Konstantin informed me today that there is a woman with an entire team set up to catch me. Her name is Eve Polastri. I like the sound of it, the way it rolls off my tongue. Like a kitten purring. I have not met this woman yet, but I will soon. 

March 12th, 2018

I have set up a trap for Eve. I am in Berlin, having just killed a man. I clamped his balls and poisoned him with carbon monoxide. She will love what I did for her. I will be watching her from across the street, waiting to make a move. 

March 13th, 2018 

So, I saw Eve and I stole her suitcase. It is filled with horrible clothing that not even my mother would’ve worn. She did have a beautiful green scarf though. I can picture her wearing it. With a black cashmere sweater with a beige silk trench coat finished with a pair of black slacks. Her gorgeous dark curly hair, flowing behind her as she walked, the end of the scarf moving to and fro. I will buy that exact outfit for her and send it back with the scarf. 

March 14th, 2018 

I am in big trouble or I will be. I tried to follow Eve onto the tube, as she was meeting someone from the Chinese embassy to discuss my recent target. Well, just as I was about to step into the train, a man with a belly full of too many beers, grabbed me by my arm. He is lucky I did not kill him right there. I knew that he knew me as soon as he asked me where I had gotten the scarf. He had seen it before. I left the station, knowing that he would follow me but I had hoped he wouldn’t. I didn’t want to kill him. I know that is not believable coming from a psychopath. I don’t even know if I believe it myself. But I knew what would happen if I did it. I wanted Eve to like me even if I did kill people. I think she could. But now her friend is dead and I do not think we will ever be able to look at me without wanting to kill me. This is not good. Konstantin does not know yet but I will be in even more trouble when he comes to see me. I could be fired. Left for the organization to put a bullet in my head. I am a highly trained assassin but if they want me dead, I will be dead. 

March 16th, 2018 

Konstantin is very upset with me. I tried to explain to him what happened, how he recognized me, followed me into the night club. If I had let him go, it would’ve been a matter of minutes before they were knocking on my doorstep. He didn’t believe any of my bullshit story and said I have to work with a team now. Tomorrow, I will be assigned to a target with two others. I have never worked with a team, nor will I ever. I must behave though or else Konstantin will have my head. I wish I had retired. 

March 19th, 2018

The group assignment was an absolute disaster. Not only did we fail to kill the target but the other two are now dead and the blame is all on me! Oh, I almost forgot to mention that Nadia was a part of this group assignment. Awkward, I know. Needless to say, she was not happy to see me after I ignored all her letters for the past three years. She even tried to attack me! I could not believe that, that is how she greeted me after not seeing me all this time. I punched her in the nose and then her boyfriend came back from wherever he was. He called her pumpkin. I almost barfed. If a man were to call me pumpkin, I would castrate him and leave him for dead in the middle of a field and let the vultures fight over him. Nadia didn’t like it either but I didn’t find that out till after she shot him dead. I didn’t think she could do it but she did. I pretended to make-up with her because I knew she wanted to kill me still. I acted like I still loved her and that I was not allowed to receive letters because of my work. She bought it long enough to let her guard down and then I ran her right over. Her scream was terrible. Sounded like she had been hit in the face with a baseball. I didn’t stay long enough to check on her and I still had a target to catch so I ran after him. What happened next, I’m still not entirely sure if it truly happened but Eve, the woman who had amazing hair, was standing right in front of me. She did not act like she was scared of me so I pointed my gun at her, still nothing. My emotions were running wild and I had to get myself in check. I shot at her but I made sure that my aim was shitty and it wouldn’t hit her. That gave me enough time to run away. I’m still a bit shaken from it and do not know what to think about it. Maybe I will meet her in person and we can talk about it. 

March 21st, 2018 

Eve and I had our first face to face conversation today. I went to her house, which is quite nice but it is simple and boring. I do not like simple and boring. Anyways, I broke in through the backdoor to her house and when she saw that it was me, I told her not to run. What did she do? She ran! Locked herself in her bathroom, that I proceeded to knock down only to have her pointing a toilet brush in my face. It was quite funny actually. She did not think so however. We ended up in the bathtub together and I had to get her wet so she would finally agree to have dinner with me. I even noticed that she was wearing the dress I had purchased for her. She looked perfect in it, with that hair, God, that hair. It is all I think about when I masturbate at night. Her beautiful face between my legs, while I gently pull at her hair. I am getting off topic. After she got wet in the bathtub, we went downstairs and she put leftover shepherd's pie in the microwave. She was a bit uncomfortable being wet in the dress though, so I suggested that she change out of it. I told her I would not watch but it was hard to resist and she ended up needing my help since it was stuck to her body. Eve has a nice body, perfect curves where they should be. I would have liked to put my hands there but I thought it would be too much for her and I did not want to do it without asking. Throughout dinner, she asked me all kinds of questions about my past and showed me my prison file. She even knows my real name now. I am not surprised, she is very good at her job but I was not happy to see a picture of my younger self. She looked battered and beaten, when in reality she had just gotten attacked by three other inmates and took them all down herself. Oksana killed one of them with the shiv they tried to attack her with, one ended up in medical, the other had to be transferred to another prison for her own safety. That is what they get for calling her a fat cunt. I did not tell Eve any of that though because I knew it was what she wanted to hear. I wanted to know about her day, what she ate for lunch, did she go grocery shopping recently. Right when I was about to ask her, she called me a psychopath. Rule #854875 of psychopath’s, is to never call a psychopath a psychopath. It upsets them. I did not care that she called me a psychopath though. I had heard it before. From doctors, teachers, Anna. It was nothing to me now. I pretended that it upset me though and then next thing I know she pulls a knife on me! I could hardly believe it. I was so kind to ask her to have dinner with me and then she is the one who tries to kill me! I had to pin her against the fridge and turn the knife against her to keep her calm. Then, that is when I smelled it. La Villanelle. She was wearing the perfume. I had the sudden desire to kiss her neck and devour her whole. But again, I thought it would be too much so I will wait until the time is right. We had to wrap up our dinner though because her husband came in and she did not want to see me pinning her against the fridge with a knife to her chest. So, I left, taking her phone with me and now I am going to finish off the target that should have been killed two days ago. 

March 25th, 2018 

It has been some time since I’ve heard from Eve or anything about her. Today may be the last chance I have to talk to her for a while, as I am going back to prison. I did not get caught, I am too smart for that. But Konstantin told me that I did not kill Nadia like I had thought I had. I groaned, knowing that it meant that I would have to cross paths with her again. She is in a prison in Russia and that is where I am to go. I will not tell Konstantin this but I do not want to go back to Russia. It is not because of Anna, but because I did not have a good childhood in Russia and it is full of bad memories. I do not want to be reminded of them. But it is what I have to do, whether I like it or not and if I fail to do the job this time, I will be disposed of. I cannot let that happen so I will do this. I will go back to prison and kill Nadia and Konstantin will come back for me. That is the plan. I am still nervous. 

April 5th, 2018 

The prison plan went to shit. It went to shit fast. I could not see the doctor unless I was dying so I had to befriend some batshit crazy lady and have her punch me. She punched terribly, even my old lady neighbor could hit harder than that. But it did the job, it made me bleed and I was sent to the doctor. He recognized who I was and gave me a large shiv to kill Nadia with. I had already begun to get impatient with the whole thing so I decided to get the job done then and there. I found Nadia in the cafeteria line and surprised her with the knife. We had to go back and forth a bit between some guards, a couple people got killed in the process but all in all it went smoothly. I waited for her in her cell and when she got back I gently sliced her throat open. Quick and sure to do the trick. The guards found me and took me to the hole. I always enjoyed solitary for some reason. I cannot explain it. But that is when things went to shit. The doctor pretended that he did not know who Konstantin was and left me there. Then, the next day when I was able to go outside, I returned to find some large lady in the solitary cell with me. They told me to be nice to her. As if I would be scared of her. She smelled like cabbage and stale armpit. I had to pretend to sleep to see if she would react and then next thing I knew, I was being attacked! It was hardly anything though, a quick bite to the neck and she was bleeding out on the concrete prison floor. The guards came and took me out of there, telling me I had a visitor. I thought it was Konstantin but it was some lady who told me her name was Carolyn Martens. She was very honest and got right down to business. She wanted me to fake my death and have me come work for her at M16 as their personal assassin. I told her she was crazy if she thought I would give up the money the Twelve gives me to work for her. Then, she said that she could make sure I would receive the same amount if not more. I did like the sound of that and plus, I would get to see Eve often. I told her I would have to think about it. I wanted to ask Eve first. Now, that I am out of prison, I will go see her. 

April 10th, 2018 

Everything has changed. Everything is different now. After I got out of prison, I was taken to my new handler. He was annoying and I killed him but not before giving me my next assignment. Konstantin. The Twelve had wanted me to kill Konstantin. I had no plans on doing such thing, at least until he hit me with a log. Then, I definitely wanted to kill him. He got away from me and I kidnapped his daughter Irina. She is very loud and annoying but I will admit that I did enjoy her company part of the time. Until Konstantin and Eve found me. I pointed my gun at him and we bickered for a bit until I shot him. Then Eve, pulled a gun at me. We were pointing our guns at each other and to say I was excited was an understatement. Normal people would be scared of something like that, but to me it is a symbol of their care for me. I was able to get away from her, but it would not be for long. I knew she would come find me. And she did. When I got back to Paris, I found her in my flat after destroying it. She broke all the champagne in my fridge, tore the clothes from my closet. It was not a very nice thing to do but I was not mad at her for it. She still had the gun pointed at me. But then, she put it down and asked me what I wanted and told me to not be a dick about it. It was like something changed in me. I was suddenly not Villanelle anymore, I was Oksana Astankova again. The girl who had been battered and beaten by her father, screamed and spit at, called names by everyone she ever knew. I did not like it. But for Eve, I wanted her to see that side of me. I wanted her to know that I am more than just an assassin. I told her all I wanted was a normal life, a nice flat, nice clothes, and someone to watch movies with. Someone who liked the movie Clueless, preferably. She didn’t say anything for a while then she started on about how she just wants to know everything about me, how she wants to know what I had for breakfast, what I am thinking about, what goes through my mind when I kill someone. I told her I masturbate about her a lot, which is true. She has very nice hair and a very pretty face. If Oksana Astankova was still alive, she could fall in love with a woman like Eve. Maybe Villanelle could too. Eve laid down in my bed, talking about how she was tired. I got in next to her and was going to let her sleep for a bit while I watched over her. The Twelve was surely looking for me and I did not want to fall asleep and let them take us both. But she turned to face me, so I took the gun and placed it on the floor. She asked me if I was going to kill her, I shook my head. I did not want to kill Eve. I turned towards her and she told me she had never done anything like this before and then kissed me. Every nerve in my body lit up like fireworks in the sky. I have been kissed before but I had not been kissed by Eve. She was special. As much I wanted to lay here with her and take her clothes off, we couldn’t. It was not safe for us. The Twelve would be knocking on my door any moment to kill me and they’d surely kill her, too. I explained to her everything that had happened with Konstantin and the new handler. She didn’t panic, just simply nodded and agreed that we needed to go somewhere safe. So, we left together and eventually separated. Only temporarily however, so we wouldn’t both be killed if they caught us together. I gave her coordinates of a small, off the grid town in Alaska. I bought a house down there last year, in case of emergency. This is the emergency. 

June 12th, 2018

I traveled around for a couple months, keeping the Twelve off my trail until I disappeared completely. Faking my death in Amsterdam, I hitched the first flight to Canada under an alias. There I found a side bar pilot who gave me a ride to Alaska. Eve was already there and had been there for a little over a month. She was so relieved so see me. The feeling was very mutual. I’d longed to see her again, thinking about nothing but her for all the days that led up to this one. We kissed again and it was glorious. I don’t think we did anything else but have sex for the rest of the day. Till the next day when we had more sex. That is beside the point now. Now, we are both safe from the Twelve. For how long? I don’t know but we have each other. And that is all we need.

**Author's Note:**

> catch me over on tumblr @ kissvillanelle , for all things KE :)


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